Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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