You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
