I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
