Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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