best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
