Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
