$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
