But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
