Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
