I CAN MOONWALK!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
