I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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