Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
