i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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