either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
