Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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