i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
