Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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