i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We're too hungover to prance.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
