My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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