She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
