I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
