Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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