paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
