i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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