and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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