I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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