Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
