What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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