I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
