I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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