never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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