My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
