I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize