I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
