I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am spending my child support on dildos
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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