She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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