I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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