Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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