Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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