kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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