I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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