he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So apparently I’m into choking now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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