I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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