don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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