can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
