I just saw a hot homeless man
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
