i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
