dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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