Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
