She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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