Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
