you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
