yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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