I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
