I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
