Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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