Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what day is it and did you see me today?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize