I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
