I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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