just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
