My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
