before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
