He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
