Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
