So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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