Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
