her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
