I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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