Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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