i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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