i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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