Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
