Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
