she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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