we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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