i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
